Gawd I love Mark Morford.
The Rev. Ted Haggard has been “cured” of his meth-lovin’ homosexuality, all from three weeks of intensive therapy by way of a gaggle of ministers who, presumably, beat him with garden hoses and removed a large chunk of his soul with God’s own chainsaw all while tattooing his eyeballs with giant pie charts delineating the plummeting profits of the New Life Church, ordering him to declare his love of the vagina immediately lest each of these ministers lose his ability to make his upcoming Lexus payment. And lo, Ted has done it.
His ability to pinpoint the ludicrous, the unspoken but commonly assumed motivations behind these stories, to express the thing we have all been trying to find words for and reveal our absolute repulsion with, using the snide and sarcastic wit that such ridiculous lies are deserving of, .. I’m in awe. Thank the Lord Zeus and all of his invisible friends for Mark Morford.